아프고 힘들더라도 이것도 살아있어야 느끼는거니까 - 순정에 반하다

Monday, May 7, 2012

RAGE, DREAMS, MYSELF, MY SOUL, HATE



Since these days the dateline of assignments is coming close…
Talking about assignments, it wont be finished right away. Lagi2 org mcm aku yg pemalas GILORRR!!!!
Dgn FYP yg stuck dekat Chapter 1 jer. Dengan x jumpa supervisornyer… dengan x de progress slps tu… dgn x proceed on Literature Review nye… ARGGGHHHH!!! KENAPA AKU NI MALAS SANGAT!!!
Sekarang dgn other assignments also piling up! With I’m involving in a college project that right now I feel regret doing so though when my conscious mind came, it said it would give me a good experience… DAMN!!!!!!!!!!
AT MY CURRENT STATE I FEEL LIKE I WANT TO SCREAM TO CURSE TO DO ALL THOSE MEAN STUFF!!!!!
ARGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! I AM SCREAMING IN MY HEART NOW!!!!
THE ONLY THING THAT CONSOLING ME RIGHT NOW IS EVANESSENCE SONGS!!!!
I feel this some sort of rage in me… rage towards everything. Rage towards myself. Rage towards people around me, more rage actually towards myself…. I AM SO FUCKING ANGRYYYY!!!!!
I’M MAD TO MYSELF, MY FUCKING LIFE!!!!
DAMN!!!!
I WANT TO LIVE IN THE DREAMS LIKE IN THAT INCEPTION MOVIE!!!!!
PUT MYSELF TO SLEEP AND LIVE IN MY SUBCONCIOUS MIND THAT I CREATED. YEAH RATIONALLY IT’S SO FUCKING WRONG BUT RIGHT NOW I’M NOT IN MY RATIONAL MIND!!!!
At time like this… I was thinking of a time machine… is it really this hard being an adult.
Of course it is right? Nothing is easy in this life… no such thing at all… I’ve sighing a lot…
I hate having feelings like this… I hate it…. I hate it… I hate it… wonder what does it actually took for me to have a life that I actually enjoy… doing something I like? Even doing something that I like require a lot of thinks… am I becoming like this because I think a lot that I tend to torture myself? Damn! Lots of questions with less of answers… I’m like a living being that wearing a mask… having a double life… insecurity… self-inferiority…  
My dream……………………………………..
Dream that maybe I cant ever achieve at all………………………………………………………..
Yeah…..
Yeah……………….
Yeah……………………………….
At times like this.... even kpop cant help console this feeling of mine....