Because I'm Alive... 살아있으니까...

Recent Whereabout I have been jobless since October 2021. Specifically 31 October 2021 was my last day.  I decided to quit due to my burnout during the pandemic and things happen with my family.  My grandmother was having a health issue that needed a full concentration of all of our family members.  Kinda affected my mental health as well.  The job. I used to like the job and didn’t have any hatred towards it.  However, pandemic happened. I felt so overwhelmed that beyond my capacity.  Hence, I decided to quit.  It’s almost a year now.  From time to time I still search for any freelancing work as a translator/subtitler.  I like working on this field.  But yeah, after like one gig I got and now still none.  I knew that this field won’t be easy and I’m aware of it but I really want to try it.  To be quite honest, I do feel anxious. Anxious about the unknown future.  What should I do for living? What should I do next?  I...

Was just feeling like writing something since I'm all alone at the lab right now New semester have begun Should have been my last semester actually However, frankly speaking, I'm not sure if it's my last :) my CGPA still not at 3 yet  /sigh I know I know, it's my fault anyway since i always like play around and not pay a full attention in my study dont know if this ever happen to anyone but right after I entered 2nd year, I kinda was just like "let's just finish this"  I felt that I've lost my passion except passion for korea things (ie, drama, kpop, etc -_-)  this bad habits really bad idk why sometimes it make me wonder, is this what i really want? was it really ever been thing that i want in the first place? idk like before, let's just finish this tho i'm thinking of let's just finishing this, i still want to at least finishing it in a good way This last semester, i really hope that i can really achieve what i want...

Since these days the dateline of assignments is coming close… Talking about assignments, it wont be finished right away. Lagi2 org mcm aku yg pemalas GILORRR!!!! Dgn FYP yg stuck dekat Chapter 1 jer. Dengan x jumpa supervisornyer… dengan x de progress slps tu… dgn x proceed on Literature Review nye… ARGGGHHHH!!! KENAPA AKU NI MALAS SANGAT!!! Sekarang dgn other assignments also piling up! With I’m involving in a college project that right now I feel regret doing so though when my conscious mind came, it said it would give me a good experience… DAMN!!!!!!!!!! AT MY CURRENT STATE I FEEL LIKE I WANT TO SCREAM TO CURSE TO DO ALL THOSE MEAN STUFF!!!!! ARGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! I AM SCREAMING IN MY HEART NOW!!!! THE ONLY THING THAT CONSOLING ME RIGHT NOW IS EVANESSENCE SONGS!!!! I feel this some sort of rage in me… rage towards everything. Rage towards myself. Rage towards people around me, more rage actually towards myself…. I AM SO FUCKING ANGRYYYY!!!!! I’M MAD TO MYSELF, M...